Chapter 22: I Still Think of You

I had a great night like always. Met some new people and we talked about all sorts of things. We talked about martial arts and if Jackie Chan is really a boss at fighting. The night I thought about getting older though, I'm turning 22 in a couple of days. Why do I need to get older?

I remember the movie Peter Pan and realize that I never want to grow up. I've been creating this past week my very own animated script for my final project and I'm getting very excited about it. I'm listening to Disney music and it just reminds me of the perfect childhood I had. I get thinking though after my final project what am I looking forward too?

I guess there is my career in animation and movies, but I wonder what life has for me. I don't even have a single crush. I guess I still think of you and when you told me it was going to be ok when my Grandpa died. I still remember that night when I heard the news and I sat in my room crying alone. I called her up and asked if we could meet. She told me it was alright and I grew stronger. God was with us that night and I miss that feeling. I know she was the one for me, but I was too afraid to say anything. She has since then, left and I wish I had that chance to tell her how much I appreciated her company that night.

I still think of her and sometimes have dreams where we are walking across a field of grass. We talk about life and I hold her hand. My dreams are realistic and life like. I can feel the warmth from her hands and see each strand of her hair blowing in the wind. I hear the song just now called How Great is Our God. I know it doesn't seem real, but it just happened. I know God is telling me something. I still long for my father and I love him so. I feel he has set on my heart to love her, but she is so distant. How do I let her know that I still care for her? To let her know after a whole year, will she think I'm joking or does she feel the same?

I remember meeting her at fallopolooza. Its a retreat that I went on with CRU and it was one of the best experiences ever. I miss all of my friends from CRU and I feel like my heart needs a change. I let someone know last week that I'm not a great person, I might seem nice, but in reality I'm dark sinner who desires what the world has to offer. God I pray to you right now, let me have a second, third, forth chance to come back to you and love you. I need your help in every way and I've fall too far to depend only on myself. Save me Lord, bring me to the light and maybe someday I can care about her or that special someone. Amen.