I'm turning 22, I'm getting older and don't know what to do. Life keeps spinning and I keep thinking about what I'm to do. I keep listening to a song and I don't know what it means, but there is this thing that keeps on making me listen to this song. It makes me think of my past, present and future. I keep wishing for a direction in life and know it won't happen because I need to create my own direction for myself. I want someone to show me, I'm tired of wandering alone.
I keep running and wandering. I think I'm trying to discover or find something that I don't have. I will probably never find it because I know I'm trying to hard and searching in the wrong places. I wish someone would just tap me on the shoulder and turn me around. I would really appreciate that and hope someone saves me from my darkest fear, me. Sometimes I wonder who I am and what I want to accomplish. What do I seek and what do I pleasure?
I wish I could feel emotion when I needed to, but for some reason emotion has bee withheld from me and I feel nothing. What am I suppose to do? I think its because I have too much on my mind and I think that getting older means I need to change something about myself. I know that I need to be myself, but I want to be something greater. Sometimes I feel like I don't know who I am anymore and that scares me. I forget my past and have no history. I'm just a blank page in a book, there is nothing to describe me by. I pure nothingness sometimes. I'm lost within all the frustration of the world and I need a way out.
I think sometimes its better to be with someone then be without. I lack the feeling of love from people and I feel like I'm standing at the ledge, I'm waiting for someone to say stop, but I only hear the wind blowin. I'm defiantly on the hardest adventure of my life and I don't see no ending. I'm not sure whether to control myself or let myself go. I'm scared, really scared and I'm confused. I've been told I'm a nice guy, but no one takes an interest in the nice guy. They only want whats hot and whats cool. No one wants what reality is, they only want fake and fiction. These words describes all of the douches out there and those girls left crying after they have chosen wrong. " Once I take second place, I won't be here. I'll be gone and I don't ever take second place."
I'm trying to think of my best day ever and the past comes back to me. I remember my true friends and how we survived in elementary. I'm soon to have my birthday party and hit 22. I remember when I hit 12 and remember 12 being the best year I ever had. I had the greatest friends Dustin, David and Evan. We were the best of friends and no one could rip us apart. We were young back then and my birthday party was the best time and last time I remember being really happy. I had the best friends that anyone could have till I moved. Since then, life has shown me who these people can become. Dustin has a kid now, David has seen the life of temptation and I pray for him everyday that he would leave temptation alone and Evan I've lost track of. I wish for those good days and I know I will never get to see them again. I wish I could be that happy smilin kid again, but my adventure doesn't allow me to become like Mr. Pan. I only get to move on and desire new dreams and memories.
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