Nothing is worst then a broken feet, a broken heart, and a broken mind. I feel like running away from the pain and reality, but my feet are tired and worn out. You have a crush on someone and begin to like everything about them just to find out you didn't know anything about them in first place. New information slams against your brain and all you want to do is scream and punch the wall, but for what? Your knuckles will be broken too and join the rest of your body that is broken and laying in a corner, waiting to be mended back together. The time it takes to fix oneself could take days, weeks, and even months depending on far you dig into a relationship.
Relationship, thought I had it, but I found out I was never part of the plan. The only crush I ever had crushed me in the face and left me alone to figure out what the hell I ever did to deserve being abandoned. I question myself. What did I do wrong? What can I do to make you happy? All I want to do is make you happy and to see your smile. That beautiful smile. It shines brighter then all the stars in the sky put together. That smile that I thought was once for me is for him. That guy, dude, dirty player, whatever the hell you would like to call him makes me sick. If you don't want to see me mad, you can't unless you leave him. I hope your happy because I'm not.
It's 10:34pm and I'm sitting in the middle of two cities. Music is banging through my headset and I'm listening to some electronic music as cars drive by. Tonight is colder than other nights and my sweat drips off my face and breaks into pieces on the concrete. I went out on a run, a run full of pain. I talked to her tonight. I was happy to see her again after the long weekend of so much chaos. It was my twenty-first birthday and my brother came up to visit and my friends bought me spiced rum for my birthday. I felt older, but still young at the same time. All of the fun came to an end when she met up with me. She looked so beautiful today with her hair off to the side. She looked so young and joyful. She always looked beautiful and that is one of the reasons why I liked her so much. I decided we needed to talk. It was on my mind for sometime to ask her out and I wanted to take her on a second date. The first time we went bowling and we ate at an Italian restaurant. I think we were both happy, well I don't know for a fact, but I was sure happy.
We met up and we talked for a bit before I asked her. I struggled a lot. It was hard to tell her that I had feelings for her and I was a little afraid. I should have been afraid. She didn't expect me to say that, which made it harder for her to tell me that she was seeing another man. Call him a man? I call him a guy who is trying to screw every girl he sees. I told her that I didn't like this guy since I met him on day one and she had this sad look on her face. I still care about her and I tell her that I will always be her friend. I wanted to be her friend and I wanted even more to be something more to her then just a friend. She tells me a bunch of reasons why she should pick me over this one douche, but still she picks him. Why? Questions get expand my skull and I think I'm erupt like a volcano that will spew burning, mad lava. She hugs me and comments on how tall I am. At that moment I don't want to let go because I know this hug will be the last. I feel farther from her than I've ever felt before and it sucks.
I walk her to a friend's place who lives in my dorm and I just can't wait to punch something, but I hold back and decide to go on this run. Some people are walking towards me on the bridge and I get up and run off to another place to be alone and think about what happened tonight. I sprint over to a quite mall parking ramp and as I reach the top I gasp for clean air. The city is dirty and the air dirtier. I stand there looking around at the city and even though it maybe a dirty city, I still like the sounds of the city. I can hear the traffic all around me and get lost looking up at the glowing moon. I wanted to take a picture of it, but I didn't have a camera on me. I told her too look up at the moon because I thought she might enjoy looking at it. Another thing I like about her is because she is different. She like to take photos and write articles. I guess you can say she kind of inspired me to write more. It was full moon and a bright one at that; as bright as her smile.
I don't know what I would do if that smile would get broken or shattered. I told her I would always be there for her if she ever would get hurt. I don't want to be right, I just want her to be happy. I couldn't stand looking at an upside-down smile. Frown is too disgusting of a word to use, I hate the word frown. It makes me sad thinking about it and realizing that it could happen to her. How can she pick him over me? I was told once that girls will always love the bad boys more than the good ones. I never believed them and I still won't. I will always have faith that she will come to realize that the "Dude" is a joke and the "Nice Guy" is what makes her happy.
I breath in the cold night air and I decide its time to head back to my room before my roommate starts worrying about me. My roommate, what would I do without a good friend. I begin to run back and I can feel the ache and pain in my feet. I don't care about the pain because its the last of my problems right now. The pain that hurts the most is that I lost to a player who just wants to get laid. You can't understand how much hate I have for this single dude. He's hurt one of my friends and plenty of other girls. I wish he would just move away. Far away, maybe as far as the country he came from. I know that won't happen and that I'll probably see him tomorrow.
I feel like his dancing around his house saying, "I can't believe that I tricked her to like me. I'm so glad that she chose me over him. I can't take anymore rejection." He's probably having a couple of drinks and banging some other random chick behind his girl's back. I can't stand him. Its serious when you delete a friend off Facebook, he's no friend of mine.
As I arrive back to school, I feeling the anger and disappointment that today has brought me. I decide to kick back with my roommate, punch a couple things, and have a beer. I know tomorrow will be different. A fantasy plays through my head, I'm working at my job and she comes running in and leaps into my arms and everything is back to the way I thought they were. That usually only happens in movies and fairy tales. I will try and fall asleep, but sleep will be nearly impossible with broken feet, a broken heart, and a broken mind.
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