I think its important that I get this out tonight. I've reevaluated my life recently. I was told to do it by some random stranger I met playing a league game. She suggested that I list what I like to do and what I know about myself. I started to write down that I'm a believer of God, that I want to make kids happy by making animated movies and that I hope to find the perfect girl before I hit 25. These are just some of the things I have written down. We talked about relationships and I realized that I've never been in one. Sad to say I've never experienced it before. Its not like I don't want to experience it, I just want it to be special and I've already screwed things up before. Its like I'm waiting for that special someone to just walk into my life.
How do you explain to someone that a girl you liked left your college and moved to a private school and recently she has moved back. Its weird to think that wishing she would have a great life wherever she went would lead her back to the campus she began at. God for some reason didn't give her the financial support at this private college and she ends up coming back to the place she left. Is it just a coincidence? She caught me by surprise when she came to visit, I wasn't expecting to see her after a mistake I did in the past. I tend to pour out my feelings and say the wrong things at times when something bad in my life happens, its just something that happens when I'm tired. So anyways I she came when I was at work. She walked up so slow and the thing I would never forget about her is the way she would smile so bright and beautifully. The kind of smile that makes everyone smile and her laugh makes you want to laugh. Its that great thing about her.
I picture myself standing in a field at some crossroads. The gravel beneath my feet and warm fresh air blows through my hair. I look around and feel this great place alive within me. I'm almost out of breath because of the feeling a freedom. The crossroads leads me to four options in my life. On one road, I look towards strange dark clouds and a city off into the distance. Its covered in smog and I can hear rush hour. It gives me this gross inside sick feeling, but something draws me there. I turn to my right and I see my family, they look sad and I suddenly fall and clench my heart and breath is withdrawn. I notice something, my family is a lot younger. My brother is just a little brother and my sister is wearing her 2nd grade pink flower dress. My dad doesn't have the grey hairs in his hair and my mother reminds me of the days I helped her at daycare after I was done with school. My sister open up her hand and she just stares at me with tears in her eyes. They fade and I fall on my back looking north towards the third option. The sky is shining and in its glimmering golden rays sparkles the image of me with two boys. They look so happy and I look happier then ever. A beautiful woman walks up to us and gives us all a big hug. I kiss her on the forehead and she rest her head on my chest. I believe this is the family I want in the future, its always in my dreams. I have two children (most of the time two sons) and a beautiful wife that actually loves me. We are timeless and God has been gracious. I have fully turned my life around and have worked my life to become a man of God. The golden rays drift off as one of my sons waves at me. They are gone, my future self has disappeared. I get on my feet and I look down the last road. I see a beautiful heaven and I'm being called to a lesson with God. He is amazing and he holds me in the palm of his hand. He speaks to me of what I need to do and gives me the breath of being reborn. He tells me the story of the lost son and mentions how similar we are. He reassures me he has a plan and I may be apart of it. He loves me, like no other. He doesn't explain the other options to me because he said I already knew what they meant. He says I've been there before or heading to them soon. Its my story of developing into a better Christian. A Christian who actually believes and actually receives God's unending love.
Everything flashes before my eyes and for a second I'm blind. I can hear, smell, feel and taste the air, but I can't see. For a moment I was blind, but now I see that sight is the weakness in my life. I'm better off being blind to stop the temptation of this world. I can see and I'm sitting in my room, listening to Lost by Red. To explain what I'm like, I refer to this verse Matthew 22:37 "Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind."
Living by this relieves me of my duties as a leader and makes me into a follower of Christ. Without him, nothing matters. God is all powerful and gives us options in life. The four paths meet at one crossroads. We can choose to walk with God or walk with the worldly things, but letting God drive with to a future with him in heaven is the greatest gift of all. We must all remember God died on the cross-roads to give us hope to live with him forever.
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