I've been heading into nights trying to sleep when the stars shine at their brightest, but I can't relax and start the slumber. I find that I can't sleep, like my body won't let me. Maybe its because something is hanging on to my thoughts and for some reason I haven't let go of it yet. Its like a dark pain that keeps on punching me in the chest and every breath makes it impossible to survive. I never give up I just bare it and hope one day I can forget the pain. It would almost come as a routine and I would never be reminded, it would just happen.
I can't sleep, try shutting my eyes, but the mind is not ready to shut off. My mind never wants to stop thinking and makes me worry, how do I live like this? I can tell myself it will be ok and someday it will, but right now its just a lie that I'm trying phase out with pointless sympathy. My body works like a clock, mechanical or battery operated it doesn't matter, the concept is still the same. Until times runs out or the batteries die, I still go on. Once the juice or the crank stops, I need to be cranked back up or need a switch of power to keep going. Thats when I sleep, I can't choose when this needs to take place.
I can hear the worlds problems outside in the streets, crying because the cold wind blows in there face and they try to find some sort of protection from the wind. I'm on the fence watching and cuddled in a blanket. I wonder if I will join them out there or come back inside and just sleep. I worry too much and my knowledge and personality cooks. Sometimes I don't know who I am anymore, sometimes I don't know if I'm awake or asleep.
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